


Stuck

by Andalusa93



Series: Arkendildo TM [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arkendildo TM, Crack, M/M, bagginshield, mildly nsfw, was told to tag it as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:29:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5691238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andalusa93/pseuds/Andalusa93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin gets a dildo stuck up his arse, Bilbo is the nurse who examines him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck

It wasn’t panic, no, it was more a feeling of quiet resignation and embarrassment and it wasn’t immediate, either. He knew from the moment he felt it slip from his fingers, but he still managed to finish. There was hope that once his hands were clean and he was in a significantly different position he would be able to do something about it. No such luck. 

-

If Bilbo didn’t already have a brief note of what was wrong he would never have guessed what the issue was when he called the name and Thorin Oakenshield stood to follow him to the examination room. He smiled pleasantly, as he always did, and ushered the man into the room.

“Just sit yourself down on the bed and make yourself comfortable.” The almost scripted words came out before he even realised what he had said. It was the small grunt and tiniest hint of a blush that spread over the cheeks and ears of Thorin that made him mentally slap himself. “My name is Bilbo, tell me what I can help you with today, Mr. Oakenshield.”

-

Thorin decided to give up on hoping that he could make it out of this situation with any amount of dignity. Of course the nurse attending him would be the most attractive person he has ever seen in his life so recounting the fact he had a dildo stuck up his arse was particularly embarrassing.

“Don’t tell me ‘ _you fell_ ’” Bilbo said glancing up from his clipboard with a smirk. 

Thorin could feel the blood rushing to his face as he briefly explained what had actually happened. There was no need for embellishment. 

It shifted as he lay down on the bed as instructed. 

-

It was completely unprofessional, he knew, but Bilbo couldn’t help but admire the lovely arse that was bared to him. He was grateful that Thorin was facing away from him as he performed the examination and kept his head down, intensely focused on the notes, he was writing when he told Thorin he could straighten pull his trousers up. 

“Well, the good news is you won’t need surgery,” Bilbo told him, “but you’ll need an x-ray as a precaution. You’ll be taken over to radiology as soon as possible and if all is well, a doctor will perform the extraction when we get the x-ray back.” 

-

Things that didn’t need to be thought about ran rampant through Thorin’s mind when he felt latex covered fingers poking and prodding around down there. The lights burned his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. He hoped beyond all hope that this would be the last he saw of that nurse, not that he didn’t steal another glance before the the door closed behind him. 

Less than 10 minutes passed but it felt like forever, and he was whisked away for an x-ray. Everything came back okay and eventually the doctor arrived. There was no anesthetic, just a doctor, a small team of other medical professionals and a pair of forceps. It was uncomfortable, almost like his body didn’t want to let it go. Soon enough it was done and Thorin was desperate to get out of there, sell his house and leave the country, but they kept him in for a little longer to make sure there was no internal damage. 

-

As luck would have it, Bilbo was due a break after seeing that patient, so he sat in the staff room with a cup of tea and told the two other people in there all about Thorin Oakenshield and his little predicament. 

“How does that even happen?” One of the nurses asked. 

“I know I shouldn’t have, but I had a quick peek at the x-rays when they came through, from the shape of it I’d say it’s from the Arkendildo range.” Bilbo said. 

The two ladies looked at him. 

“I’m not sure whether I should be disturbed or impressed that you can name the brand of a sex toy from its shape.”

Bilbo smiled and sipped his tea. 

-

Thorin sank down onto his sofa. No one else knew about it, no one else would ever know about it. As far as he was concerned the entire business of his mishap was behind him. There would be no need to ever think about it again. At least he hoped. It would appear that neither hope nor luck would ever be on his side. 

There was a knock at the door. 

He put a lot of effort into walking normally, Thorin didn’t even look through the peephole to see who it was, if he had he wouldn’t opened the door. 

-

“You left before we could give it back.” Bilbo said. 

He held out the sealed bag so Thorin could take it, but the taller man just stood and stared at him.

“Normally it would just go in the bin, but these are expensive so…” He shook the bag which seemed to knock Thorin out of his stupor. 

Bilbo smiled as Thorin took the bag from him and tossed it onto the little table next to the door. 

“You know, they have an attachment so they don’t get lost.” Bilbo went on, ignoring the puzzled look he received, the way that expression turned into shock was priceless when he next spoke. “Maybe I can show you some time.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry  
> [come say hi](http://andalusa.tumblr.com)


End file.
